An Open Letter to the Impending Zombie Apocalypse

Dear Zombie Apocalypse,


Please stop with the 6am nightmares. I really can't get back to sleep when you do that, and i need my sanity to fight off your undead minions when they arrive. 


I promise i won't leave the house until the rest of the living are finished with their riots. Yes, even if my mom insists that she needs celery and canned biscuits before the stores close. Was that little exchange an allegory for something? Either way, it was your idea, not mine. If it's all the same, i think i'll just stay home until the crowds die down, and then join my parents in their more defensible location. I don't even like leaving the house on Black Friday, so i assure you, i can easily hang tight for a few weeks while the zombies are distracted by all the panicked people.


Thank you for the prophetic glimpses, but i have already warned my loved ones the best i can of impending doom. Yes, they are already concerned about my mental health--i have you to thank for that.


So, until you gift us with Patient Zero, i would much appreciate being left to my pathetic mortal existence, minus the reminders that we're all living on borrowed time.


Regards and Good Luck in your upcoming venture,
RPGamingGirl